


you take my hand and drag me head first

by Weatherbug02



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Lot of Bad Ideas, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Omegle, F/M, Force Bond Except It's Skype, Internet AU, Internet Friends, Long-Distance Friendship, Loss of Virginity, Minor Angst, Mutual Masturbation, Omegle, Skype Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 23:44:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16691215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weatherbug02/pseuds/Weatherbug02
Summary: You are now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!You both like Taylor SwiftStranger: Hi





	you take my hand and drag me head first

**Author's Note:**

> For Erica.
> 
> Sorry I deleted Anonymous Complications. Hopefully this will suffice.

Rey wasn’t exactly sure why she was here.

She had heard the stories, all about the child predators and sex traffickers and pervs, but if that didn’t deter her, then what would?

Maybe it stemmed out of boredom or loneliness or masochism, but one day she logged onto the site and never went back.

*

_omegle.com_

**Talk to strangers!**

It was the first thing the media warned children about when they were young. “Don’t talk to strangers” was drilled into every child’s mind, but Rey was never good at following directions.

This wasn’t her first time on this site nor would it be the last. It was a nightly routine, as easy as brushing her teeth or putting on pajamas, and maybe it was weird, but nothing in her life was normal, so this didn’t have to be.

Her interests were always the same:

Anime, Dogs, Riverdale, Harry Potter, Taylor Swift

Sometimes they worked, sometimes they didn’t, and Rey pressed the _video_ button to flip that coin up in the air. She waited a solid ten seconds to connect until someone appeared on her screen. Well, not someone but rather—

Rey started giggling and only laughed harder when the stranger disconnected, leaving behind the memory of their dick etched into her brain. An unpleasant but unsurprising way to start her night.

Tonight’s pick was an assortment of even more dicks, teenage boys with no face telling her they wanted to fuck her [redacted], and a few sleepover parties disconnecting immediately when they realized she wasn’t what they wanted out of the interaction. Sometimes it was better. Usually it was not.

 _You are now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!_ _  
_ _You both like Taylor Swift_

Rey smirked to herself as a video of a clothed chest popped up with no face to match. She couldn’t judge considering her nose was the highest visible feature on her side of things.

“Hey,” she offered after they sat in silence for a good few seconds.

The guy—he was likely male if his wide chest had anything to say about it, but on this site, anything was possible—didn’t answer, instead reaching over to type out something in their chat.

 **Stranger** : Hi

“You aren’t gonna talk?” She couldn’t say she was surprised. Most people didn’t.

 **Stranger:** No  
**Stranger:** Why  
**Stranger:** Am I supposed to

“You don’t come here a lot, do you?” He typed out a single ‘No,’ and she laughed. “Well, it’s kinda the point of video-chatting, to talk. You know, to say things. But if you don’t want to, I guess that’s fine. It’s not, like, required or anything.”

 **Stranger:** Okay.  
**Stranger:** I’m just going to type if that’s okay.

Rey shrugged. “I don’t mind. As long as you reply.” There was a pause of silence. It wasn’t like she _hadn’t_ done this before, but having a one-sided conversation still was… weird. Almost as weird as talking to creeps anonymously online. “So… you like Taylor Swift? No offense, but you don’t seem like the type.”

 **Stranger:** Because I’m a guy?  
**Stranger:** What makes you think guys can’t like Taylor Swift?

“I don’t know. Do you actually? A lot of guys on here will say they like something just to pick up girls. How can I trust you’re truly a super mega die-hard fan?”

 **Stranger:** Uhhhh  
**Stranger:** I don’t know if I’m a super mega die-hard fan.  
**Stranger:** I just listen  
**Stranger:** Probably too much  
**Stranger:** To be honest, it’s kind of sad

Rey laughed. “Okay, tell me your favorite song then.”

 **Stranger:** All Too Well

“Of course it is. Well, at least it’s a classic and doesn’t sound like you named the first song that came into your head. I commend you, dude.”

 **Stranger:** What about you

 _Huh, a guy that bothers to ask a question that isn’t “What are you wearing?”_ She smiled and looked over at the albums lining her shelf. It was no question. “Fearless.”

*

They talked easily for an hour—well, she talked, he responded—before Rey’s eyes started drooping and her responses shortened into small affirmations.

 **Stranger:** You okay?

“Just tired,” she mumbled out with a yawn.

 **Stranger:** You should sleep.

Sleep, right. That was a thing. “Oh, uh, yeah. Thanks for talking to me.”

 _Ask for his Twitter,_ a part of her screams. _Or his Tumblr. Something._ And she was tempted, she really was, but when it came to Omegle, there were rules that you followed.

Among those rules, these were the most important:

1\. Don’t get attached  
2\. Don’t sext  
3\. Don’t share social media

She hadn’t broken any of them yet, and she wasn’t planning to any time soon.

 **Stranger:** Good night. Maybe I’ll see you again some time.

“Maybe,” Rey replied, trying to shake away the sinking feeling in her chest.

**Stranger has disconnected.**

*

The next night, Rey logged onto Omegle again.

Her interests were the same as they always were, and she waited with her textbook on her lap to connect with someone of interest. It was almost the same as last night, but tonight seemed to have a few more pleasant conversationalists that were more than just dicks. Literally.

At eleven, Rey clicked the _connect_ button, telling herself that this was most definitely going to be her last of the night, but when the video came on, her heart dropped.

 _You are now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!_ _  
_ _You both like Taylor Swift_

There he was again, showing only the expanse of a black T-shirt covering his chest.

 **Stranger:** Hello there

“It’s you.”

 **Stranger:** I guess it is. Nice to see you again

“Yeah, it is.”

*

It happened again the next night and the next. It seemed that no matter what she did, Rey just couldn’t escape this Taylor Swift-loving goth dude. That might’ve been a problem, except she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

“This would be much easier if you were talking,” she mumbled under her breath as she turned a page of her textbook. “I wouldn’t have to look up every time you decide to respond.”

 **Stranger:** You wish

Rey just rolled her eyes and lifted up a middle finger to flash. “Okay, let me ask you this then. Why won’t you talk? Surely we know each other well enough by now considering we’ve connected four times now.”

 **Stranger:** I don’t even know your name

“Maybe you would. If you spoke.”

 **Stranger:** I don’t like the sound of my voice  
**Stranger:** You probably wouldn’t either

She laughed and shut her textbook with a _slam._ “Are you kidding? You don’t like your voice? Why not?”

 **Stranger:** Don’t know. It’s just bad, and I’m not great at talking in general, and I’d rather just save you the secondhand embarrassment.

“I see.” Rey fell silent for a few moments, debating what she could say. Maybe he was right. Maybe he sounded like a demon and had been told it his entire life. That was totally possibly, and this might’ve just been for the best. Except Rey really, _really_ wanted to hear it for herself. “You wouldn’t even consider talking? Not once. Not even if I took off all my clothes and—”

 **Stranger:** Ew what

“I’m just kidding, but seriously.”

 **Stranger:** Okay… I guess I can  
**Stranger:** But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

There were a few moments of silence where Rey was just sitting there, watching him on his end straighten. Finally, finally, there was a voice: “Hi.”

“Hey,” she said, coaxing. “You gonna say anything else?”

“I… don’t know about that.” His voice was soft, hard to make out, but it wasn’t unpleasant or even abnormal. Deep and soft, but nothing to be ashamed about. “Do you… want me to?”

Rey smiled. “Yes, I would love if you did.”

*

“You know, you said if I spoke, then you were going to tell me your name.”

“Rey. You?”

“I’m Ben.”

*

They didn’t connect that next night, and Rey went to bed feeling a little emptier than she should’ve.

*

“What was the first song of hers that really pulled you in?”

“Delicate,” he said to her, lying on his side as he been for the past two hours. Her bedtime had been fifteen minutes ago. How had it gotten this late?

Still, Rey didn’t pay it much mind as she hummed in response. There was time for worrying later. “That’s pretty recent, isn’t it?”

“She’s new to me. Before, I just thought it was stupid pop music that girls swarmed to for some reason. It wasn’t until Delicate was released as a single that I realized… maybe I was wrong.” For once, she didn’t have to urge him to keep talking, taking the stride all on his own. “I can vividly remember listening to the song on the radio while driving to work, and there was just something about it that just made me keep listening. I can’t describe it, but it was… amazing.” A sigh. “What about you?”

She almost debated pressing on, but he seemed to want to end it right there, so she let the conversation be. “I’m an OG fan, been here since 2007. I’ve loved Taylor since the ripe age of 7. To be honest, it’s kind of sad how long I’ve been obsessed with someone I’ve never even met.”

“It’s not,” he insisted. “Have you ever been to one of her concerts?”

Rey laughed. “Hell no. Those things are expensive. I wish, though. It’s my dream to go at least once. Is that weird?”

“Has she ever come to England before? I’m kinda a noob in that regard, sorry.”

 _Oh._ “I’m not in England, actually. I don’t think I ever mentioned that. I guess that accent might have been a little misleading.”

“Oh, I had no idea. Where are you then?” He was silent a moment. “Or, actually, you don’t have to answer that. That’s kinda a weird question to ask on this site.”

Yeah, it definitely was, but the first thing out of this guy’s mouth wasn’t “ _ASL?_ ” so Rey opted to put a little more faith in… whatever this coincidental destiny was. “Currently I’m in LA. Somewhere in LA. Doing LA things.”

“Acting?”

“I can’t act for shit.”

“It’s LA. What else is there to do there?”

She shrugged. “Fair enough. Currently I’m studying at a university. How about you? Where are you currently?”

“On my couch. Doing couch things.”

“Like talking to strangers on some shady site?”

He held up his hands in defense. “Hey, the only reason I come on here is to talk to you anymore.”

Rey froze for a moment, trying to really process the words he’d just said. “You’re… only here for me?” It should’ve been a red flag, like it always was when someone on here wanted to talk to her for hours on end and swore like a trucker if she even looked a little bored of their conversation, but, somehow, this felt okay.

“Yeah, sorry. Is that weird? I don’t mean to be. I know I’m just some random dude on the internet, and _here_ of all places. It’s just, I don’t know, I’ve tried having conversations with other people, and they’re okay sometimes, but you’re the only actually interesting person here, I think, and I just want to keep talking to you. God, that sounds really weird. I’m so—”

“What’s your Skype?”

*

Rule number three was broken, broken as _hell,_ yet Rey wasn’t really feeling too bad about it.

 _Kyloren_ was his Skype name and to say she hadn’t laughed at it when his message had come through was an understatement, but he wouldn’t know that.

That night, they’d hung up with a promise to call the next night, and the next night had led to the next, then the next, then the next. And then it wasn’t until a week later that Rey realized.

“I’ve never seen your face before.”

“Really?”

She hadn’t, not in the entire time they’d talked, leaving the camera in the classic Omegle-style of neck-height, maybe even a bit of chin if they were lucky. Showing her face was a security risk, but this mostly stemmed out of habit, and it seemed Ben had the same one. It had been nearly two weeks, though, hadn’t it? It was likely throughout the midst of limited shared personal information that they _at least_ seen each other’s face once, but that hadn’t happened. “Nope.”

“Should we?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you…” He trailed off for a moment. “Are you okay with that?”

Usually no, _hell no,_ but this was Ben, and they kinda knew each other, right? What was the point of video-chatting if they couldn’t even see each other’s faces? “I think I am. Are you?”

“As long as you don’t make fun of how ugly I am.”

“I’d never do that. And you’re not ugly.”

“You’ve never seen my face. How would you even know?” He paused. “Unless you’re stalking me, stalker.”

Rey rolled her eyes and flicked him off. “You wish I were stalking you.”

“It’d make my life more interesting, at least.” Ben went silent for a few moments as he adjusted his laptop. Whether it was necessary or stemmed entirely from nervousness, she didn’t know. “Okay, so how should we do this?”

How _did_ one do this? It shouldn’t have been such a big deal, but it still felt that way. Taking a deep breath, Rey tried to steady herself. “Alright, on the count of 3, show your face. Ready?” He nodded. “One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

With her eyes scrunched close and blush coating her cheeks, Rey lifted the laptop screen up to reveal her not face, not risking a peek at the screen for a solid few seconds. _Maybe he is ugly,_ a part of herself said. _What am I gonna say then? I can’t lie to him. I’m a fucking horrible liar. Oh, this is an absolute disaster—_

Except, to her delight, she had absolutely nothing to worry about.

Ben wasn’t ugly, no, not even close to that, but he didn’t look like anything she’d expected. His features were angular but soft, nose bigger than what was average but looked fine with the rest of his body. There were beauty marks and tired eyes and a quirk of those lips, and, yeah, he was no Chris Hemsworth, but he was still attractive in a sort of unconventional way.

Rey, on the other hand, flushed under his gaze, feeling much too small, much too plain for any man to find pleasing to look at. That had never been an issue before, not being much for the dating scene, but as she sat in front of the computer with every unflattering angle on display and in front of this guy, every imperfection seemed to stand out even more.

“What are you starting at?” he said, breaking the silence that had just occurred. She had barely even noticed it at all.

Rey looked down at her hands and smiled. “You.”

*

She didn’t go back on Omegle for months after that, preferring the company of Ben more than anything some other stranger was able to offer her. What was previously _her_ nightly routine of studying and chatting ended up somehow become _theirs._ And, weirdly enough, Rey found that she was okay with that.

Sometimes they played games. Games that were possible, at least, through a computer screen. It was through their many question games that she’d found out he hated reading with black text and a white background, loved tea more than a British person, and still had nightmares about his Junior Year’s Finals Week in university. It was how he found out Rey went through a scene phase in middle school, constantly picked her nails, and really didn’t mind pineapple on pizza.

Other times they sat in silence, listening to the hum of the video call as they did other things in the company of each other. It wasn’t awkward, not usually, just gave them a bit of time to relax in the presence of the other as if they weren’t… however many miles apart. Rey didn’t actually know.

Most of the time, they talked. They talked for hours some nights, staying up until the early hours of the morning when Rey should’ve been fast asleep before her 8 AM, but sometimes time got away, and before she knew it, they were falling asleep on the Skype calls and waking up to rumpled hair and sheepish grins and promises to talk later when they could.

Months went by and nothing changed. Well, some things did.

His last name was Solo, and he lived in New York, all the way across the country. “I’m a lawyer,” he’d told her eventually, to her surprise. What were the odds she was talking with a lawyer this entire time? “An okay one. Nothing really special.” She didn’t believe that one bit but didn’t comment on the fact.

He was 29 and choked when he heard her age. “You’re kidding, right? _19?_ ” She hadn’t been, and he was still speechless. “I hadn’t realized you were so young. Shit.” It wasn’t a problem, he assured, but was it? Was talking to a man ten years older than her on the internet weird?

Oh, it definitely was, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

A little risk was good sometimes, and Rey wasn’t sure what was riskier than this.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” she asked one night, too tired to care about the implications of the question. He’d have known what she meant.

“No.”

She had hummed in response, closing her eyes as sleep began to take her. “Good.”

*

“Do _you_ have a boyfriend?” Ben asked the following night, and she bit her lip out of habit.

“No.”

There was no response for a few moments, but then there it was—a hint of a smile. “Good.”

*

He didn’t ask invasive question much, but she almost wished he did. Almost.

Because maybe then that meant _she_ was able to ask invasive questions too, but he didn’t, so she didn’t either.

Ben Solo was such a closed book, a mystery of pixels hiding in the screen of her laptop, so much so that sometimes she wondered if he even was real. Maybe he was just a figment of her imagination, something dreamt up out of her desperate fear of loneliness, and eventually Rey would realize the truth, and it would break her.

But he was still there, answering her Skype call before it even got to the second ring.

“Hey, what’s—Are you okay?”

She opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out.

“Rey, what happened? Why are you crying?”

With a shake of her head, Rey burst out in heavy sobs again, still not recovered from her last session just a half hour ago. This was a bad idea. Why had she allowed this to happen? Ben wasn’t supposed to see her cry, not in this context or any context. Fuck.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

“Rey.” There it was again, that soothing voice, soft and reassuring in her ears. “Please talk to me.”

She shook her head again and attempted to unsuccessfully sniffle away the snot that was dripping down her mouth. “I’m so stupid. So fucking stupid.”

“You’re not,” he insisted. Rey chanced a look at the screen before immediately regretting it. The pity in his eyes only made this harder. “You can tell me what’s going on, Rey. I’m here for you.”

“But you’re not.”

“What… what do you mean?”

“You’re not here,” she snapped. “You’re not here, and you can’t do anything for me.”

And that was a fact, as much as she wished it wasn’t. Finn wasn’t here, off studying abroad in Japan for the entire school year. Rose was too busy to hang out, and she’d just transferred to some law school up in Northern Cali. Poe was off doing God knows what with God knows who. And Ben… Ben didn’t know her, and she didn’t know him, not in the way she wished she was able to.

He was silent for a while, just sitting there as he watched her bury her head in her hands with unsteady breaths and shaking shoulders. He probably thought she was pathetic. Hell, that’s exactly how she felt, but then he spoke again. “Maybe not, but I can always try. Whatever this is you’re going through, whatever is causing you to do this, it’s gonna be okay.”

“Why should I listen to you?” _Stop, don’t say this._ “I’m just some girl from Omegle.”

“I’m going to still be here for you, Rey, in any way you want me.”

She fell asleep that night on the call, not wanting to hang up as he talked nonsense to distract her from her own misery. She woke up to the Skype call page and a message.

 **Kyloren:** I hope things get better. Let me know if you need anything.

*

“Sorry about last night. I’ve just been so stressed with school and upcoming finals. It’s all been a bit crazy, and I guess I just cracked. Thanks for tolerating me.” The words sounded nonchalant, but if only he knew the amount of times she’d rehearsed those lines in her head.

Ben merely smiled, brushing it all aside. “Don’t worry about it. I went through about four mental breakdowns a week when I was in law school. It’s the college experience.”

“I know, but—”

“It’s really okay,” he insisted, waving a hand. “I’m just glad you’re okay. I was worried about you.”

The idea made her heart flutter, and Rey immediately cursed at herself for even thinking it meant anything more. Of course he was worried. She called him up sobbing and wouldn’t say why, for god’s sake. Any reasonable person would be worried. It didn’t mean anything. Why would it have? “Thank you.” She forced a smile. “I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.” Ben cleared his throat and met her eyes, and Rey prayed he wasn’t able to somehow sense the thoughts burrowing around in her head. “Also, um, I just want you to know you’re not just some girl from Omegle.”

She shook her head. “What?”

“What you said last night. You said you were just some girl from Omegle. You’re not. Not to me. You’re so much more than that.” He pressed his lips together and reached around to scratch the back of his neck. “Anyway, I just thought you should know that. Sorry if that’s weird, but—”

“You are too,” she interrupted. “More than some guy from Omegle, I mean. If that means anything to you. I don’t know if it does, but I figured you’d like to know that too. I like you a lot, and you’re really fun to hang out with, even though hanging out to us is literally just talking all night on Skype.” Rey’s been talking to long, she knew it, but she just couldn’t seem to make herself be able to stop. “I wish… I wish we could meet.”

Ben was still, so still that for a few moments she thought his computer froze, but then he broke out into a smile. “I wish we could meet too.”

“Someday.”

“Yeah, someday.”

*

Everything between them was okay, and Rey was honestly surprised she was able to keep a platonic relationship this long since it seemed she either fucked up most of them and the others just upped and left.

And it _was_ okay really, perfectly fine. Until tonight.

“Her next album name. Go.”

“ _Roses_.”

Ben scoffed. “You’re so damn basic. C’mon, choose something original.”

“Until Taylor Swift makes an entirely country album named _Roses_ that features the 10-minute version of All Too Well, my soul will never be at peace.”

“B-o-r-i-n-g. B-a-s-i-c.”

“You think I know how to spell?”

He laughed. “Poor thing. Who knows? Maybe Taylor will come meet an illiterate fan.”

“And her sarcastic, emo lawyer friend.”

Ben sat up from where he was lying on his bed and rolled his eyes. “I haven’t been called emo since high school. How could you do this to me?”

It was at this point things seemed to change.

Because, God, Ben Solo was shirtless right in front of her this whole time, and she hadn’t even known.

“Fuck,” she swore. “Why are you naked?”

He looked down at himself and shrugged. “Not naked, just no shirt. I was gonna sleep like this tonight. That okay? I can change if you want.”

 _No._ Rey raked her eyes over him again, but it only proved in making her blush even worse. “Um, no. You’re fine. Sleep in whatever’s comfortable.”

“You sure? Because you look uncomfortable. If it’s a problem, I can change. It’s really no big deal.”

“No!” she said a little too enthusiastically. “No, really. It’s okay. I don’t mind.” He didn’t respond, just averted his eyes away from hers. _Shit, I made it awkward._ “It’s not often I get graced with some nice abs. How tall are you anyway?”

The question was posed as something to make this a little more comfortable, but his answer was more shocking than Rey expected. “6’3.” What about you?”

“Jesus Christ. I’m 5’7.” I didn’t realize you were so… big.”

“Big?”

“Yeah, big. Like you’re massive. I mean, obviously you look big on camera, but not that big.”

He snorted and shook his head. “Okay, okay, I get the point. And hey, you’re pretty tall yourself. Don’t put it all on me.”

“I’m tall, but I’m not big!”

“You’re not big?”

“Do I look big?”

A pause. “Is this a trick to get me to say you look fat?”

Rey broke out laughing and rolled her eyes. “No, of course not. But trust me. I am definitely not big. I look like a 13-year-old boy who’s barely just hit puberty.”

“You do not!”

“I do! I’m tall, gangly, and I barely know how to walk. Not to mention, I’m missing certain, uh, assets.”

He rose an eyebrow. “Assets? What do you mean?”

 _Oh god._ Was she really going to have to explain it? “You know…” He shook his head, and Rey just sighed. “Boobs, Ben. I’m talking about boobs.”

His eyes flickered down to her chest, where her shirt was baggy around that particular area, giving him no clue whether or not she was exaggerating. “Oh. I’m… sure they’re fine.”

Now _he_ was the embarrassed one. Yes, this changed things. Rey smirked. “Are you afraid of boobs?”

“No!” he squeaked out, pressing his lips together. “I’ve just… I’m not sure…”

“Wait, have you ever seen them before? Not mine specifically, but in general.”

There was a few seconds of silence before he sighed and shook his head. Rey had to prevent her jaw from dropping. If Ben hadn’t seen boobs before, that meant… “Wait, are you a virgin?”

More silence.

“You are, okay.” She blinked once and shook her head. “Hey, that’s fine. I… actually am too.”

Ben looked up at her again, meeting her eyes. “That’s crazy.”

“What is? That I’m a virgin? No guy’s ever really been interested.”

“How? I mean, you’re… everything a guy could want. You’re smart, funny, talented, stubborn, not to mention that you’re so fucking beautiful, and—”

She held up a hand. “Wait, you think I’m beautiful?”

He looked terrified for a moment, as if he’d been caught in the act of doing something wrong, but slowly he nodded. “You’re so beautiful. I… hope that’s not weird.” He swore. “No, that’s definitely weird. You don’t want random guys making comments about your looks. That’s so rude. God, I’m a dumbass.”

“No, no, it’s okay. You’re definitely not a random guy, Ben. I don’t care if you make comments about how I look. Well, for the most part, but you know. It’s… fine.” She cleared her throat, fidgeting under his gaze. “And, for the record, I think you’re incredibly hot.”

Maybe it was a bad idea to say so—no, it definitely was a bad idea—but then Ben was smiling and biting his lip in a way she’d never seen before, and Rey’s entire body was on fire, but, God, it was worth it.

*

It wasn’t because she liked him.

She liked him, of course, but not like this. She’d never even imagined liking him like this.

Still, though, his face was the only one in mind as her fingers worked between her spread legs. It’d been for too long since Rey even attempted doing this, and each time ended in disappointment more than satisfaction. This time, though, this time she was wet, and, God, she wanted this.

This was wrong. So many parts of her mind seemed to scream that at her, but her fingers kept moving against her clit, and she was close, but not nearly close enough.

Sure, maybe this was a little fucked up, getting off to the only person you were able to really call your friend, but it wasn’t like he ever had to find out. This was harmless, Rey’s dirty little secret she’d be keeping until the end of time, and as she got closer, she realized that she didn’t really care.

_Close, close. God, yes. Ben, keep going. Please—_

It wasn’t her orgasm that interrupted her thoughts. No, it was something much worse.

_Kyloren is calling_

Damn it. Rey should’ve known better than to do this during their usual call time, but, God, she’d been so close to getting that release. It’s not like she had to answer, of course, but she just couldn’t _not_ answer him, not after he’d answered every single time for her. So, Rey did only what she could: she shoved on her underwear and hit answer.

The first thing she noticed in the camera was, God, she looked like hell. If she hadn’t known the truth, she would’ve thought she’d been crying. No, it’d been much worse.

“Greetings from New York. What’s going on?” He was acting so casual, as if they hadn’t had the most awkward conversation the night before. It’d been one of the few nights they’d _actually_ hung up, not fallen asleep together, and that in itself was strange. To some sick disappointment, though, he was wearing a shirt tonight.

 _Maybe you could find a way to get him out of it._ The thought shot at her before she was able to really comprehend it. No, hell no. No way was Rey going to jeopardize their friendship just so she was able to get off.

No matter how amazing it would’ve been.

“N-Nothing.” _You’re a fan-fucking-tastic liar, aren’t you?_

Ben rose an eyebrow. “You okay? You look a little… flushed. Have another breakdown?”

 _Something like that._ “Nope, I’m totally fine. Perfect.”

He wasn’t convinced. She knew he wouldn’t be. “Is this… about what we talked about yesterday? I know it was kinda weird, and things were said that were a little more, uh, personal. Did I say something wrong? I don’t want things to be awkward between us. We’ve known each other too long for that.”

It’d only been a few months, but she was inclined to agree. Getting past their first phase of awkwardness was easy, and now that was happening again. “No, no. It’s not about anything you did. It’s… I don’t know, I guess I’ve been thinking about it a bit. Is it weird that I am?”

He shook his head. “No. I’ve been thinking about it too.”

“How?”

His mouth snapped shut as his face turned red, visible even in the dim lights of his room. “I-I don’t know. Doesn’t matter.”

 _Shit._ Was he… God help her if she was wrong about this. “I’ve been thinking about you, about—about how you look. I wasn’t kidding when I say you were hot because goddamn. It makes me wish you had your shirt off more.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, too silent for comfort. Had she misread the situation? Had she just ruined their entire friendship? The thoughts kept raving on and on until, finally, he broke the silence between them. “I could… take it off for you.” His fingers were already on the hem of his shirt. “If you want.”

Rey nodded quickly, embarrassingly so, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care as the shirt came off, revealing the smooth planes of his chest, just as it had looked last night. “Fuck yes,” she mumbled, pressing her thighs together. _Don’t do this,_ something whispered it was easy to ignore it when a man with a body of a god was on her computer screen.

“I’ve been thinking about you too,” he said with that voice, that _fucking_ voice that left her putty in his hands. “When you said your tits were small, I kept trying to imagine them, what they looked like, how well they’d fit in my hands.”

Immediately, she knew this was a bad idea, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. “Do you want me to take my shirt off?”

“Please,” he breathed.

Rey’d stopped trying to look presentable for him about a week after they’d begun to Skype, opting for more comfortable pajamas and not really bothering to brush her hair, and today we no exception. Her t-shirt was baggy, and the _only_ thing she was wearing on her upper half. Once it was off, there was nothing to tease and no going back.

But the throb between her legs and the hunger in Ben’s eyes was enough for her to not give a fuck anymore as she slipped the t-shirt over her shoulders.

His eyes raked over her body, and Rey struggled to not cover up out of habit. “It told you they were small,” she forced out, her voice shakier than normal.

“They’re perfect. So perfect.” He swallowed. “Will you… touch them?”

That wasn’t even a question. Immediately, her fingers found their way to her chest, and she began brushing her fingertips over the skin of her breasts first and then her nipples. Ben let out a shaky breath as her nipple began to harden under her touch, and it was then that she noticed the hand just out of view of the laptop screen. “Are you touching yourself?”

He cursed under his breath. “Yes. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be, but, God, you’re so—”

“No. Keep doing that. Please.” He let out a groan. “I was doing it before you called, touching myself. I was thinking about you, the things you’d do to me if you were here.”

“Rey,” he choked out. “Touch yourself. Come for me.”

Rey didn’t have to be told twice, immediately lying back, parallel to the laptop, and kicking off her underwear. She was still wet, wetter than before even, and she had no trouble continuing what she’d started.

It was even better this time with his shaky gasps audible, only adding to the experience. If she closed her eyes, shut herself off enough from reality, she could almost imagine that it was his fingers rubbing her clit, his moans—God, those moans—right next to her, but it wasn’t quite enough, never would be. Still, it was at least enough to feel the pangs of pleasure race down her spine, and it wasn’t long before she was gripping the sheets with one hand and working herself through her orgasm with the other, head tossed back and eyebrows knit together.

“I’m so close.” His voice was breathy, barely even audible. “God, you look so beautiful like that.”

Rey was only now coming down from the high, and Ben was just getting there, so she watched with limpid curiosity as he become more undone until finally—

“Fuck, fuck. Fucking hell.” He didn’t even have to say he was coming, his strangled voice and breathy moans telling enough. “I’m… That was…”

She laid back, her hand, still soaked with her wetness, perched on her stomach. “Amazing,” she finished for him.

He nodded, letting out a loose breath. She hadn’t seen much of anything, just as he hadn’t to her, but the rosy cheeks on both of them were a dead giveaway to what had happened between them. “Really, really amazing.”

They didn’t speak for another few moments, but it wasn’t awkward like it had been in the past. No, they laid together, and they smiled as they did so.

And it wasn’t until Ben was asleep on the screen in front of her that she realized:

She broke rule number 2.

*

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

She shook her head in response. No, Rey absolutely _did not_ want to talk about what happened between them last night, of the orgasm that the mere idea of him gave to her. God, she was pathetic for even calling him back tonight after what happened.

“Are you… Are you okay? Did you not enjoy it?”

“I already told you I didn’t want to talk about it.”

He fell silent and pressed his lips together, nodding once. “Well, if—if I did anything wrong. Let me know. I’m sorry, Rey.”

“Ben—”

He hung up before she could finish her sentence, but it was then that she realized she had no idea what came after it.

*

They didn’t talk after that, but the thoughts of him never really subsided.

Rey had tried calling the night after, ending only in no answer and disappointment, and so she didn’t try again after that. He’d made it perfectly clear.

By December, a month after their fateful Skype call, she’d successfully kept away from his messages—well, lackthereof—and spent the rest of the semester and Finals Week focusing on things she needed to. Guys wouldn’t get her her degree. Guys wouldn’t get her her job. Getting out of the cycle of poverty she’d been born into, now that was what was important.

And she’d been successful up to this point, no matter how hard it was to forget, but that all changed the first day of her winter break.

_Kyloren is calling_

Of course. Of course this would be her luck.

There was a part of her that didn’t want to answer, wanted to let him suffer like he’d let her, but this was the guy who’d been there since the school year started, the only person she’d considered her friend at one point, and Rey… she didn’t want that to go away.

So at the the very last second, with shaking hands and a thrumming heart, she answered his call.

It didn’t occur to her to check the state of her appearance until she saw herself in the corner of the screen, but by then it was too late. Ben was there.

They sat in silence for too long, the awkwardness stretching on as they took each other in for the first time in a month, and it was him who spoke first. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she breathed.

“We… haven’t talked in a while. How have you been?”

 _God,_ this was horrible already. “Good, good. You?”

“Good.”

“Good.”

He nodded once and then just… stared off, and Rey couldn’t find it in herself to say anything, so there they were, sitting in silence after a month of not speaking. Pathetic. Was this what their relationship had turned into?

“Ben.”

“Rey.”

They said at the same time, both falling silent at the interruption. “Sorry,” he mumbled out, waving a hand. “You go ahead. I’m… never mind.”

“No, no. You go first. It’s fine.”

He nodded once and looked down at his hands settled in his lap. It was then that she noticed the room he was in was different, not the dimly lit dungeon he liked to call his bedroom. It was too white, too impersonal. “I was calling to say I was sorry. For—For multiple things. First, for that night. I feel like I pressured you into something you didn’t want and—”

“Ben—”

“No, no. I need you to know that was never my intention. If you want to forget that it never happened, it’s fine. If you want to quit talking to me altogether, that’s fine too. I just figured I should tell you that.”

Rey pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Ben, no, no. You—You didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who initiated it. God, is that what you thought? You didn’t do anything wrong. Not a thing.”

“Then why didn’t you want to talk about it? You seemed so upset the next day that I thought I might’ve done something.”

She sighed and buried her head in her hands. “I don’t know. I was just embarrassed, and then you hung up like that, then wouldn’t answer. I’m sorry I made you feel like that. Why didn’t you answer when I called though? I thought you hated me.”

“I… I don’t know. I was just so embarrassed about what happened, and I couldn’t deal with it, so I ended up just ignoring you to figure things out. Turns out, I’m not the best at that.”

“Yeah, neither am I,” she said, a smile finally on her face. “I missed you so much. I’m really, really glad you called. I don’t know what I would’ve done during Winter Break otherwise.”

Ben laughed, and she wasn’t sure why so much relief bubbled in her chest. “So are we going to get back to how things should be? Talking every night about stupid shit until the sun rises and then being miserable the next morning?”

“God, yes. You have no idea how much I want that. No idea.” She pulled her legs under her, suddenly feeling better than she had in a month. “By the way, where are you? I don’t recognize it.”

His face flushed then. “Oh, I’m on a work trip.”

“Really, where?”

“LA.”

Rey froze. “Ben. I’m in LA.”

“Yeah.”

“And so are you.”

“Yeah.”

God, was she really about to suggest this? Was this really okay after a month of radio silence? He’d have thought she was crazy, right? Except, deep down, Rey knew this was what she really wanted and hopefully he wanted too. “Would you want to meet up? Like, in person?”

“In person?”

“Yeah. I know it’s really sudden, and you might not have time for it since you’re on a work trip, but if it’s at all possible for us to meet, then I would really like that.” _Stop, you’re scaring him away._ “Unless, like, of course, you don’t want to meet up. Which would be totally fine. I mean, it’s not like we know each super well or anything, but—”

“Yes.”

“Huh?”

“Yes,” he repeated. “I want to meet up.”

*

Two days later, in the temperate winter of LA, Rey sat and waited in a public park just off campus. There were people everywhere, which was the main reason she’d chosen this place in particular. She knew that Ben was who he said he was, but it was just a precaution, both for him and her.

She arrived early, sat with an iced coffee, and checked for messages every few seconds before turning off her phone in inevitable disappointment. She’d never done anything like this before, had never planned to at all, but as terrifying as this was, she was sure it was going to be worth it.

_God, I hope._

Someone sat down on the bench next to her, and Rey didn’t even look up, too caught up in her own thoughts and the string of curses running through her head.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking hell, shit, damn it, what the fuck am I doing, fuck._

“Hey.”

_Fuck, shit shit shit shit, goddamn, fuck me, fuck. Wait—_

She turned and a smile broke out on her face. “Ben!”

He was there, sitting next to her. Perfectly alive and real and fucking beautiful, more beautiful than he’d been on-screen, which was saying something because, _God,_ he already looked so good. Her head was spinning, unsure of what this emotion was, and before she knew it, Rey had climbed onto him, clinging to every surface of his available.

“Ben, you’re real. Holy shit, _holy shit._ ”

He laughed, and she could feel it reverberate through his body. “Yeah, I’m here,” he said, reaching around to return her hug-slash-strangle. “Are you good?”

No, she wasn’t, not at all. “I’m just… so glad you’re here. So glad.”

Ben brushed a hand over her hair and smiled. “I am too, but, as much as I’d love for you to keep straddling my lap, I’m seeing a few moms giving us the side-eye, so I’m thinking we should probably move.”

Rey was blushing when she stood back up, pulling him along with her, but as his arm wrapped around her shoulder, she found that she really didn’t care.

*

It was just supposed to be an afternoon. It should’ve been enough. It wasn’t like they had a lot of things to talk about, but the more time that went on, the more Rey realized she didn’t want to leave.

So they got dinner.

And when dinner was over, his fingers brushed hers on their walk to his rental car. He was going to drop her back on campus. That was the plan. A short visit enough to sate any of this… longing between them, except it only seemed to make it worse.

“Ben,” she’d said before they reached his car, her heart skipping when he looked at her. “I don’t want this night to be over.”

She watched her words process on his face, and her heart flutters when his lip quirks. “I don’t either.”

“Maybe we could…” _Don’t you dare say it._ “Maybe we could go back to your hotel.”

And that was how Rey found herself in his suite, her thigh pressed against his as they scrolled through the channels on the TV. In avoidance, maybe, of the inevitable, but it wasn’t like she was expecting anything more than this. Not at all.

“The Bachelor?”

“Oh fuck no.” She elbowed his stomach. “C’mon, this fancy place doesn’t have Netflix? Lame.”

He handed the remote to her and slouched further into the couch, sneaking an arm around her shoulders. “Why? Were you planning on doing something with that Netflix?”

Oh God, Rey was going to lose her goddamn mind. “Maybe.” She shifted to turn to him, a smirk appearing on her lips that definitely looked more confident than she felt. “Sad we’ll never find out though.”

“If only I had it on my phone. But, alas, nothing.” He feigned a sigh. “Guess we’re stuck watching cable.”

 _Shit shit shit shit shit._ With one sweeping motion, Rey shifted so that she was straddling Ben’s lap in the way she had been at the park, only this time with an entirely different context in mind. “A travesty,” she whispered, brushing her thumb against his mouth, and that was _it._

He kissed her.

He kissed her in the way people dreamed of being kissed, soft and gentle but with an edge of roughness that made her head spin, and, Lord help her, it was good. They stayed in that position for what felt like an eternity, just touching and tasting and feeling, but then Rey ground down into his lap, and his moans sent something to her head, and she knew she needed this _now._

“Bed,” she mumbled, breaking away from their kiss and ignoring the string of spit that she wiped from her chin. “Bed please.”

He stared at her breathlessly. “Are… Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please, Ben, yes.”

It didn’t take long for Rey to fall onto the bed, her hair splayed against the white sheets, as Ben crawled to settle between her legs. They were still fully-clothed at that point, until she sat up and assisted him in the removal of her t-shirt.

“Your boobs,” he said when he took in the purple lace of her bralette. “I love them.”

Her face was already burning, but this just took the cake. “ _Ben,_ you can’t just say things like that.”

He laughed and leaned down to press a kiss against the center of her chest. “It’s the truth.” His fingers found their way under bralette until they were just shy of brushing her nipples. “Help me take this off. Please.”

She did as she asked, no will to deny him anything even if she wanted to, and inhaled as his tongue traced her nipple.

So this was how this was going to happen. Losing her virginity to some guy she met on Omegle had never been the plan, but at the same time, Ben wasn’t just _some_ guy, never had been. She trusted him, as stupid as it sounded, and she knew he trusted her too. Maybe that was why Rey didn’t protest when his hands slid to the waistband of her pants or when his mouth pressed against her thighs.

She was expecting a lot of things out of sex, the things people often talked about—the pain, the awkwardness, the uncomfortable morning-after—and some of that was present, but even more was the consuming sense that nothing else in the world felt more right than this. This, this was as easy. As easy as breathing.

*

Rey awoke the next morning with him tucked beneath her arms, alert but still drowsy as he stared into her eyes.

“Didn’t anybody ever tell you to not talk to strangers?”

The comment was so absurd that she actually laughed out loud. “No.”

“Good,” Ben said, pressing a kiss against her shoulder. “Me neither.”

And it was only as she laid there with his mouth on her that she realized she didn’t give a single fuck about breaking rule number 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am, back on my bullshit again. Only 80s kids remember my old story "Anonymous Complications." It was a Soulmates Omegle AU that I deleted after two chapters because I just wasn't feeling it, and I think a few people missed it, so this is for y'all, and especially Erica. Love you, loser.
> 
> Follow my Tumblr: https://reyloday.tumblr.com


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